


make a wish (one last time)

by tenxfruit



Category: VIXX
Genre: Hyuk is only mentioned, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicide, im so sorry, very angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 14:24:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15632499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenxfruit/pseuds/tenxfruit
Summary: that tuesday at 3am, as jaehwan sat at his old wooden desk, he decided it was time. he had reached a peak, the height of his struggles.





	make a wish (one last time)

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING!
> 
> this story contains potentially triggering depictions of suicide and mental illness!! please please please read this responsibly and note that i love vixx so much, and this is purely a work of fiction!

flooding with emotion, 

yet empty at the same time

eyes wide, mouth trembling,

i could hardly take a breath

 

mind cluttered with old thoughts

the world was shrouded in blur

eyes closed, problems remain

a flower that never bloomed 

 

jaehwan’s eyelids fluttered. he leant back in the old black office chair with a creak. once again the time flew past him as he drowned in his own mind.

again, he had wasted his time. again, he had let himself down.

maybe that’s why he felt it coming. patient as he waited for the familiar electricity to take over. he often found himself driven by his own emotions, watching as they tore up his body and pulled apart his life. 

he was angry. he felt so much red hot agression running through his body and he lost track of time. the clocked laughed at him as the world spun around his head. 

it was a deadly cycle. the smallest things triggering his emotions, wasting years, hours, minutes in his inside his prison of a mind. and of course, this made him even angrier.

no one understands. that's why they left. 

jaehwan has issues, that was evident. his mind had been unhealthy for many years, although the lack of treatment caused a slow escalation of problems. 

he was lonely and he was in love with han sanghyuk, his childhood friend who most definitely could never love such a terrible person like jaehwan back. 

the few friends he had, tried to encourage him many times to seek help for his issues. jaehwan refused persistently. 

he believed that when the day came that he was too mentally ill to continue without the help of a medical professional, it would be the day he should cease to exist. a life so painful and lacking in control was not a life he wanted to ever live. 

 

that tuesday at 3am, as jaehwan sat at his old wooden desk, he decided it was time. he had reached a peak, the height of his struggles.

no person living such a hopeless life should deserve to continue.

jaehwan stood from the uncomfortable black chair and embraced the emotions washing over him. he turned off all of the lights in his apartment, taking his time making sure everything was left unplugged and clean. 

the anger, the pain and the despair flowed through his body calmly, as though it knew peace was near. jaehwan exited the apartment and walked to the elevator.

the elevator doors opened, and he pressed the button to the roof of the building instead of the lobby, moving slowly up to the top of the high rise.

thankfully, the elevator never stopped on the way up and he was left alone with his mind. he wished he could make things simple again, but being an adult was hard, and the real world would never nearly be as forgiving and people hoped.

jaehwan wished he could’ve been born a better person. he wanted a healthier mind, and a life that didn’t make him feel like breathing was but a tedious and pointless effort.

he wished he could be normal. he wished he could fall in love and have the support of the person he cherished. he wished he had the courage to confess to sanghyuk. but that didn’t matter anymore anyway. 

the elevator dinged and jaehwan stepped off. he walked to the far door, which opened onto the vast roof of the apartment building. the dark sky was beginning to regain some light as the morning was drawing nearer.

jaehwan felt a warm breeze hitting him and he walked serenely to the edge of the building. it was a beautiful night.

looking down into his right hand, jaehwan held a picture of him and sanghyuk standing side by side, grinning. it was taken on sanghyuk’s 19th birthday. 

he sighed and stepped carefully over the railing on the edge of the building. his time had come, and he was ready. 

 

jaehwan jumped off of the building and the ground rushed towards him. the wind whistled against his falling body and jaehwan held the sacred picture in his hand tighter.

a smile graced his features and a tear escaped his eye. it was all over.

**Author's Note:**

> please reach out to a trusted person if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts. be strong, i love you all.


End file.
